Saturday, May 25, 2013

For a Group Considering Gay Suicides



      Wednesday, 27 August 1980:  9:40 A.M.

       Having just lost his lover, about to lose his job,
       Tom McGuire, 29, V.A. clerk
       (“where about 2200 employees work”)
       climbed from the 13th floor to the 14th floor,

         broke a window and waited 4 hours.

         Tom McGuire, undone by desire:  “…so that
         …others…may not resort to the same
         violent ordeal I am about to endure….
         Using hard core drugs and practically
         living in bath houses hoping to find
         a lover through sex and drugs…
         hoping that I might meet my dreamboy
         through drugs…still…playing this routine
         until this very day….”  in the note he leaves.

         McGuire’s desire, gone through lust into dust;
         his golden trust turned to rust with what
         the poet Rossetti felt:  “Beauty without
         the beloved is a sword through the heart.”

         Stephanie, another clerk, waiting below:
         “I guess some people…expect him to jump
         …office workers bored with…
         that Monday to Friday routine.”

         He was heard to shout,

        “Fuck it.  Fuck everything!”

      :Jumped.

         The San Francisco Chronicle
                            August 28, 1980:
         “Police held…surging crowd…tried…
         closer look…crumpled body…before…
         rescue crew draped…cover over…”


         He passed 14 floors
         with a neglected friend
         reflected in the glass.


James McColley Eilers


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